My God stuff thinkings

Why is it when we pray in anger or frustration, not really expecting it to come true, that a perfect answer finds us loath to give the praise to God? We search our minds for any reason to excuse the miraculous event as chance, or at least we put it down to God’s natural goodness in an indirect way. After all, every good thing comes from God, right?  It was just coincidental… wasn’t it?

We have a fig tree growing into the edge of our stream. It had been happily growing tall since we moved here 7yrs ago. Nearly half of this tree had broken off in a storm a few years earlier, but never once had it grown fruit in its life. In fact I did not know for sure if it was a fig tree at all until my mother confirmed it.

Judging from its stem lengths, it must be at least 10-12years old.

Wanting fruit, I bought another plant and looked after it for two years in a pot.

Five months ago, when I was heavy under what was possibly a spiritual attack in the form of never before experienced anxiety, I paced our yard alone to find my fig tree clearly dead.

Angry at my wasted effort, and annoyed that the older mature tree remained fruitless, I sarcastically asked God to either make it die to or produce fruit, but not to let it live a useless life.

I have thought nothing of that time until yesterday, when I walked past it on my way to the orchard and noticed fat baby figs happily growing on each branch in our early spring!

I was a little disbelieving, to the point of considering maybe I hadn’t prayed for its fruit after all. I mean really?

Does God delight in this kind of answer? Did He answer at all, or was this pure coincidence? Why do I find it so hard to believe He might have done this especially for me?

To answer my skeptical nature, I have come to the conclusion that we are living in a physical world when dealing internally with a spiritual God. It is hard to equate real practical answers to conversations we have had in our heads with real life answers before our eyes. I so want this reality to merge as in Elisha and the army of angels.

However, I am covered with a shrinking feeling of ‘If I believe and praise Him for this, what if I fall? What if someone comes along with a genuine reason for this unlikely timing?’

We are breakable pottery. I am scared of believing too much in the small things in case I get it wrong. In case I get dropped. I want to protect myself.




God requires such faith from us. As Beth Moore beautifully reminds me in one of her older audio downloads, ‘How far would we climb if we knew we could not fall?’

Our faith is directly related to how much we know of the God holding the safety line. I want to get to know Him an endless amount more, so my faith is made unstoppable and His use for me unlimited. He thinks we are of value, but I want to be truly valuable to Him. I want the faith of the bible heroes and more.

So what does that all mean? Do I seriously praise God as though the fruit on my fig tree was a direct answer? For me, YES. At least inside I will. Outwardly, I think the bible cautions us to guard our hearts, and not throw our pearls before swine. To me that decodes as being careful to keep my treasured moments sacred, as you would those intimate, soul baring and highly sort-after moments with your spouse. Some blisses are not meant to be exposed.

If you wonder then why I write of my fig tree dilemma… it is because I wonder how many others pray, receive, then struggle to believe and grow, or step out in the confidence an intimate whisper of answered prayer can provide.

God, I pray You will overwrite my doubts, and replace my way of seeing things with Your own. Give me trust that You, the maker of the universe, have enough power to hold me back from heading the wrong direction, and can by Your will alone impassion me with Your vision and heartache, and then set the right environment for fruit to grow. I am more grateful than I can express for the patient peace which floods me and holds me up when at times I feel like panicking over life, hovering above the open waters with my boat left far behind. You are my confidence only because I know enough of You to no longer doubt. 

How much more do You want me to know You? Open my eyes, open my ears, open my heart, open my mind, sharpen my intellect, strengthen my resolve, renew my thinking, mold my plans, carve in deep Your promises, and teach me to love others as much as You love them.

And thank you for the figs!

Latest comments

08.10 | 03:59

Kylie, I would be delighted to have my name as a side character in your next book. I am telling anyone who will listen that they too must read The Book of Told.

08.10 | 03:42

Thank you SOOO much, Carol, for your encouragement! I would love to use your name as a side character in the prequel! Much blessings to you!

08.10 | 02:43

For the first time in many years I have found a book that I didn't want to put down. I wanted to just continue reading to find out where the story was going.

05.10 | 18:11

so so nice